Im doing more pottery this year~

After slabmaking, I went back to wheel thowing. It may look really easy, but this is hard to master. Ive had some of my clay uncentered, distorted and demolished completely to form a new one, that at some point, Im about to give up on it. But the thing about pottery is that there is beauty in imperfection. It is these mistakes that makes it a truly unique piece (and very proud to say, that you're the only one who can do that!) You see, what I've learned from the dirt in my hands is also that we learn what is right from these mistakes and that you can say, ah! this time I should do it this way. And hey, your 'mistake' is not so bad after all.

Wheel throwing has outright thought me the value of patience. We cannot rush it. It needs to be something else before it reaches its ultimate form. Everything has to be a cylinder first before it turns to a vase or a bowl or a cup. To take things at certain paces. Sometimes, when the wheel turns too fast, it would be hard to catch up and things goes out of hand. And when we turn the wheel too slow, it would be hard to pull it up. But at all times, we should take it with a gentle hand (a need of a little pressure at some point, yes, but never too hard else it does not follow). Do not be intimidated by clay and always always feel that we are in control.

Ah things I learn from the mud pit. Very interesting life lessons, dont you think?

1. God has surely been on my side this year. There were lots of answered prayers. Some, I have waited for long to be heard, others were granted in an instant. I still feel dramatic when Christmas season came, but there is the thorn that has finally been removed. Sometimes, the best solution to a problem is just letting it go. Letting go of the things that destroys us.

2. Early last year, my grandma passed away. It was unexpected. Her body suddenly deteriorated and breath just disappeared out of her. It was heartbreaking for all of us but we all have to move on. We remember her always. In the food we eat, in gatherings and even at our silent moments. And we remember of how good a person she was to all of us.

3. Also, this lead me to deciding to travel and see the world. You know how God puts a balance on things. We were blessed in in other areas of life despite this emotional burden. And the thing is, we have to put to use what we have. We have to do the things we want to do. To live.

I went abroad for the first time. In Hongkong. Then Singapore. I went to familiar places. To my hometown in Polillo, to Baguio, to Manila. To other places in the Philippines. To Bohol, Iloilo, Bacolod, Davao, Coron, Palawan. It was a journey. I sank myself into culture and food. In new sights. In new people. In breathing unfamiliar air. Just being in the moment. Just living. Everything else didn't matter. At first, I didn't have a budget for it. But God provides. He really does. It is quite an achievement for me to be able to spend my own money for my trips. I may be bankrupt now, but I am happy and I know, God will provide yet again. And that my heart is satisfied.

4. I also took up pottery again. The last I had was still in college, in the middle of chaos called thesis. I enjoyed it back then but the thing is, our body can only take a few at a time. This time, Im taking it more seriously. I rediscovered my love for mud and dirt. This is my catharsis. This is my way of healing, in forming new things from the abstracts of soil. Im enjoying myself with this. Maybe I have found my artform. I have found myself in transforming clay.

5. Im almost back to my physical self. I'm still a few pounds above my regular weight but it doesn't matter anymore. I recognize my face in the mirror again. Haha. Seriously, sometime I'm going to post my old photos. The transition has been gradual but it came back to the way it was without any help from diet or exercise. How can life be so unpredictable?

Im still taking medications. By next check-up, we'll find out the test results if I'm still positive of SLE. I remember this time years ago, I still don't know what is going on, I wouldn't be able to stand up. I was in bed most of the time. But here I am. Still a sleepyhead but with more energy! I can go cycling now and lift heavy things. And go for walks. Sometimes, I test myself if the sun won't get me and absorb its heat... and nothing happens! If anyone can relate on how liberating that is for me!

6. I'll PROBABLY go back to work this year. I'm still conflicted when it comes to this matter. I remember before, a professor once asked us whether we choose health over career. I didn't give it much thought then. But it seems to be my zeitgeist at the moment. How can one even decide at my age? I want to accomplish a lot of things, still. I want to know how it's like to burn yourself in a 9to5 job, to commute to work, to have officemates, to have a 13th month pay, to be promoted. The joys and woes of the corporate world. But is it possible? Hmm.

7. But on the other hand, I also want to do more traveling this year. To farther places! Honestly, I haven't shut out the idea of working abroad. Maybe. Hopefully. I want to see new things, still. There are always new discoveries wherever you go. And life will always be exciting!

So there~

Cheers to a hopeful new year!

Cheers to bigger dreams and a grand life!