and here we are

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1.1.11

2010, salamat sa pang-unawa, pag-aalala at pagmamahal. love and peace
(thank you for the understanding, care and love.)

and christmas break as a year-ender,,

oranges for the new year
more baguio after this post
boxing hahahah



and a wrap-up of the year that was,,

series of emotional breakdowns. nightmares. insanity. illness. lupus.
pico de loro. nagsasa, zambales. polillo, part one and two. real, quezon.
davao. polillo, part three. baguio part one. baguio part two.
spanish filmfest. cinemanila filmfest. italian filmfest. graphic expo. paskuhan
birthday. swimming. intercontinental. crowne.
christmas parties. halloween parties and despedidas.
grandparents' lipat. cousins' lipat. tito's lipat. balikbayan ninangs.

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My week in days

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a bad wish. hahaha


Happy fun
This week has been pretty drag and adventurous for me.
I have my night classes on Mondays and Wednesdays
taking on mind-damaging scripts and frozen yogurt as a treat.

That Tuesday, I squeezed a stint measuring 42 feet long,
and about 6liters of paint for a theatre backdrop.
Spent the whole day with a college friend and a gradeschool faculty
that, unbelievably, are all good-looking.

Wednesday, i was in a coma and i find myself sleeping
or half-asleep even in class.

Thursday, I started painting Dandelions and finished the same day.
Friday, I started The Panpiper and some clay pieces.
Saturday, had a christmas party with the block. Much fun and
Sunday, the artwork i finished.

The week could have started last Friday, with Doodle Earth face painting activity with some kids and jewelry workshop on that Saturday.

I could say I'm back but I'm reserving that statement for January. Read more...

The season of white and blue

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It's almost christmas.
This year, i have no gift to give
i have nothing.
The last, i had all the gifts to give
Still I
had nothing.

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I.
Isang dipa lang ang ating pagitan
Pero hindi mo magawang kumaway
O ngumiti sa ngumingiti
Malamig ang gabi para magkasama.

II.
Bitak ang lupa papunta sa inyo
Sinisigaw ko ang iyong pangalan
Pero tila yata bingi, o nagkukunwari
Ang kalsada ay para sa iisa ngayong gabi.

III.
At parang nagmamadaling makalimot
Ang minsang abot-kamay
Ay naging namamatay na tala.

Kumusta ka na kaya, harana.


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Ilang beses ko nang sinabi na hindi ako magaling magbisikleta.
Nung aking kabataan, gumulong-gulong ako sa kalsada at
Nagkapasa-pasa ang aking katawan. At ipinangako kong
Hindi na ito mangyayari ulit.

Ngunit mapilit ka at nagsabing walang mangyayaring masama
Kaya sa gitna ng pag-aalinlangan ay muling sumubok
Pero aba! Muli na namang gumulong at nasugatan!
Hindi na ito mangyayari ulit.

At kung kaya't sinisisi kita para sa maling aking unang nagawa.
Salamat sa pag-aalala. Walang anuman sa paalala.
Hindi na ito mauulit.

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Tumitingala pa ba ang mga tao
Para pagmasdan ang mga ulap
Kung gayong laking balakid
Ang mga gusaling nangagtayo?

Nasaan kayo?

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O mangagyuko ka ba buong araw
Para hanapin ang nawawalang
Bente-singko sentimos o
hayaan na lamang ito sa limot?

Nandito lang ako Read more...

In this Day and Age

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And she rises at dawn,
Her feet sweeping the marble floor.
With her eyes half-open,
Looks at the white sheets.
The morning greets,
The breeze still cold
From yesterday’s storm.

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We are in the company of thieves

We are in the company of thieves,
The man in a black suit with his stare blank at the black screen
Talks on the phone, unfeeling
Someone has stolen his liberty, only to find out

He has himself to blame,,
A contract of a hundred years,


“Would you stand up from that chair for a second?”
You are dying from the wounds of bickering and
Self-loathe and find yourself enjoying the sound of it all.
The man in the black suit, he stares at you

And with his eyes, strips away your dignity.
He is a thief when he ask for a little more of your precious time.

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You slept for a hundred of years waiting for the prince
Behind those thorns and towers, dreaming.
Only to realize that he was far from that ideal man
Would you let down your hair, princess?
Wake me up when Time has come.

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What we think of ourselves in the inside
Is far from what Others see of us.
And when all is gone with age,
And our skin is rotting and un-fair,
And our body is aching and diets have changed.
And all has changed!


Then who are you but your wisdom?
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cosmos

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for this week,

all my stars are misaligned
so it can give way to the many errors
of this cosmos.
mistakes that form this world of ours
into a parallel

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pagpasensiyahan mo na,
pero sadyang nakakasuka ang mga salitang
lumabas sa iyong bibig
isang asidong hindi kayang sikmurahin
ng pinakamatatag na bituka
at hindi lubusang manguya ng
simple at busilak.

kahit na gutom sa pang-unawa,
nagdadalawang-isip parin ang pulubi
sa natanggap na biyaya.
Lunukin nalang nating buo ang panis na laway
kaysa tanggapin ang alok ni Don Ramon.
Hindi maipagpapalit ang laman sa laman,
pagpasensiyahan mo na lang.

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i don't want to give gratitude
to the enemy.
call it pride, but it is the only thing left in me
no. never thank the enemy.
forgiveness is easy,
but justice must be served
all in man's terms.
all in man's terms.
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Take me Above the Light

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So a take on SLE, Facts first, Im new with systemic lupus erythematosus or lupus and here's a lowdown for most part of what it is.

  • Lupus is a chronic, auto-immune disease that can damage any part of the body. Auto immune means the immune sytem can not tell the difference between foreign invader and your body’s healthy tissue. These autobodies cause inflammation, pain etc.
  • is a disease of flares (symptoms worsen and you feel ill) and remissions (symptoms improve and you feel better).
  • is not contagious.
  • is not like or related to cancer.
  • is not like or related to HIV or AIDS. HIV or AIDS is underactive immune system. In lupus, it is overactive.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What I feel when I'm under a lupus attack or flare:
my usual take would be an old man's arthritis which usually lasts overnight before but the last time it lasted for some months. Then some rashes all over my body, the more obvious symptom. Sleeping whenever and where ever. Or sleeping for days. And then some bouts of hypersensitivity issues. But that's all.

I still can't be overstressed, exposed to the sun for too long, or go to crowded spaces but I sneak in when i can...

Which is a good and bad thing hahaha.
If you still don't get what SLE is, there is always google.


And you want a secret? Emotional stress can kill you.
Or half of your life. Karma to you.
That was my trigger and you have pulled the gun.
Thank you :)

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Just Like These Days

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second runner-up adobo
and when it rains, it pours
i have this certain love for powertools.
and an urge to write on myself.



listening to Wild Nothing and i fell in love. I'd rather live in dreams and I'd rather die.
I still have this guilt feeling everytime I cook meat. Like I have to pray for the dead animal everytime I cook or eat them for that matter. Apologizing for human selfishness. But then again, gratitude for their existence. Humans are (and are not) animals afterall.

I want to be a pastry chef.

Then some henna scrap from the old boys' hair coloring session the other week got me into doing this impromptu. It faded after three days.
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some things i have to write, version 3

there's something about being 22. at an age younger than this, i would still consider myself as a child. but 22 just makes one old, and you have to be responsible for the things you do. you can not blame others for a stand still, because it was a decision that you have made for yourself. (Can you blame Situation, Circumstances or Fate perhaps?)

when i was 18, i thought i was old enough back then. i wonder if it's just the power of birthday-anticipating-and-ill-be-older-now kind of thing that we get annually, but we always think we're more mature than what we actually are a day ago. mind-draining how a day can change lives. so yeah, back in the teen years, i thought i knew everything that was necessary to survive this world-reality but i guess that would be not true because you have to experience things to have the right to say i survived this with a bang.

experience. if you don't know me well enough you wouldn't have guessed ive been through a lot. present. im not the type to disclose my life story to strangers but if you've been to emotional and physical trauma over and over AND OVER again that you probably want to die (figuratively), had gotten an illness that doesn't have a cure, and a calling for a thing that will ruin your morality, then you would know why i am the way i am.

never tell me that there are others there worse than us. never tell me that you have bigger problems than mine, you don't know that. embrace discomfort because that's part of life. but never hold on to it for too long.

but generally, this is my other self speaking. in real time, im quite happy and contented with everything goes so, cheers! out and beyond Read more...

For the Love of H20

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somedays,, they wish they can breathe underwater,,
i still have a roll of undeveloped film from over a year ago, is that still "valid"??

i love water too much,
summer vacation (or almost every break) would mostly be spent going to our small island hometown of polillo, quezon or swimming somewhere else. Funny how i am still afraid to swim where i can't step on sand anymore (but i would go snorkeling or diving if it cost me my life!)

life changing things takes time to heal or get accustomed to.
if people without legs can climb the top of mountains,
people who are allergic to sun can be deep sea divers.


side note: currently eating bukayo, too much sugarr. Read more...

WIP

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here're some stuff i've been working on for the past month.
all works in progress because im lazy like that. haha


matryoshka dolls
weave bracelets
some random jewelry

and some paintings:
i named this one Assumption :)

been going out with friends lately. which is happiness! i wish them all good luck and good health for this year. so there you go. cheers!

Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.



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Posted in

Getting what i want

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My days in food :) because i love eating. And because today i'm supposed to start my diet. No salty food, preservatives, chips, sweets, ice cream and cakes, less meat. Orders from doctor t.

Still.
1. longganisa 2. gold label icecream libre ni lolo 3. chicken stew w/ potato 4. mushroom noodle soup w/ beansprouts. yum 5.sinigang na baboy 6. milo overdose!! 7. longsilog 8. KFC fries coleslaw & gogo sandwich 9. tocino and tomato 10. shrimps! 11. assorted kakanin from Cabanatuan 12. something suman with latik 13. tofu vegetables and quail egg 14. MERCED cake! 15. spaghetti 16. chicken teriyaki 17. brazo de mercedes + fruit salad 18. binagoongang baboy 19. JT's inasal na manok 20. egg pie 21. pancit 22. NILAGANG ISDA FTW! 23. Hungarian sausage @ rockwell 24. taho from manong taho

Note: You didn't make my day yesterday.
She & Him// Please Let me get what i want.
So help me God :) Read more...

Welcome, stranger!

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am i still to introduce myself? nah. but meet my family :)


Aragorn//Argy. he's a 6yo. labrador

chowder/chowchow 3.25mo pomeranian

elizabeth 6month old cocker spaniel

oh. that's me :)

still can't decide on a single path because everything's changing
at full speed
but i love to travel and go places
i love nature & art
dreams, the sun and the sea, angels and seashells

i named my camera Malaya
she's a Canon Powershot SX20IS
and her name is roughly translated as freedom
in Filipino

my other camera is Simon
he's a Canon Powershot g7
named after a character in El Filibusterismo
a novel by our national hero.
Simon is currently in ICU.



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Urban Trek Manila

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note: went with sir rei, ate maan and her pamangkin and got ourselves holding dying cameras. walang camera na tumagal sa amin so we gotta share photos for that time :)

National Museum behind the scene: Spolarium-Dead Animals-Cultural Treasures-Paintings & Sculptures etc. cause they won't let Malaya in.

then.
what went in my head when i got news about a free postal heritage tour by filipino stamp collectors was an immediate take it! moment. Funny how my interest in cultural heritage & stamps suddenly jived. so happiness still

Inside of Metropolitan Theater. The place is completely not taken cared of. Piled with dust, dirt and debris i wonder if it will ever return to its original glory days




manila post office-puerta de isabel-plaza mexico-aduana-national press club-plaza roma-plaza espana-manila cathedral. pictures to follow
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Quezon Trip

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Another trip with mi papa and my brother. Traveling the Famy-Real-Polillo once again. How many times we've done this, i can't remember
Always have to make a stop-over for some lomi or arrozcaldo breakfast. Because the next time you eat will be on the island (which is 4 hours away)



Real, Quezon. hey, it seems like i'll be spending more time in this place this year. some minutes away from baluti island means picnic and a possibility for some boat rowing action! :D
(and we're building a house on that very spot)

i wonder if they're able to catch some fish in that shallow...

lizards & dragonflies,, happiness in little discoveries

then some freak accident. we had to go down our tricycle to give way to a bloody lady. because they fell from a semi-cliff. we dubbed this as the malas day with the harsh rain, brownout, accidents but just for the laughs. still it was something.

flowers bloom after the rain :)
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