Take me Above the Light

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So a take on SLE, Facts first, Im new with systemic lupus erythematosus or lupus and here's a lowdown for most part of what it is.

  • Lupus is a chronic, auto-immune disease that can damage any part of the body. Auto immune means the immune sytem can not tell the difference between foreign invader and your body’s healthy tissue. These autobodies cause inflammation, pain etc.
  • is a disease of flares (symptoms worsen and you feel ill) and remissions (symptoms improve and you feel better).
  • is not contagious.
  • is not like or related to cancer.
  • is not like or related to HIV or AIDS. HIV or AIDS is underactive immune system. In lupus, it is overactive.
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What I feel when I'm under a lupus attack or flare:
my usual take would be an old man's arthritis which usually lasts overnight before but the last time it lasted for some months. Then some rashes all over my body, the more obvious symptom. Sleeping whenever and where ever. Or sleeping for days. And then some bouts of hypersensitivity issues. But that's all.

I still can't be overstressed, exposed to the sun for too long, or go to crowded spaces but I sneak in when i can...

Which is a good and bad thing hahaha.
If you still don't get what SLE is, there is always google.


And you want a secret? Emotional stress can kill you.
Or half of your life. Karma to you.
That was my trigger and you have pulled the gun.
Thank you :)

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Just Like These Days

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second runner-up adobo
and when it rains, it pours
i have this certain love for powertools.
and an urge to write on myself.



listening to Wild Nothing and i fell in love. I'd rather live in dreams and I'd rather die.
I still have this guilt feeling everytime I cook meat. Like I have to pray for the dead animal everytime I cook or eat them for that matter. Apologizing for human selfishness. But then again, gratitude for their existence. Humans are (and are not) animals afterall.

I want to be a pastry chef.

Then some henna scrap from the old boys' hair coloring session the other week got me into doing this impromptu. It faded after three days.
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some things i have to write, version 3

there's something about being 22. at an age younger than this, i would still consider myself as a child. but 22 just makes one old, and you have to be responsible for the things you do. you can not blame others for a stand still, because it was a decision that you have made for yourself. (Can you blame Situation, Circumstances or Fate perhaps?)

when i was 18, i thought i was old enough back then. i wonder if it's just the power of birthday-anticipating-and-ill-be-older-now kind of thing that we get annually, but we always think we're more mature than what we actually are a day ago. mind-draining how a day can change lives. so yeah, back in the teen years, i thought i knew everything that was necessary to survive this world-reality but i guess that would be not true because you have to experience things to have the right to say i survived this with a bang.

experience. if you don't know me well enough you wouldn't have guessed ive been through a lot. present. im not the type to disclose my life story to strangers but if you've been to emotional and physical trauma over and over AND OVER again that you probably want to die (figuratively), had gotten an illness that doesn't have a cure, and a calling for a thing that will ruin your morality, then you would know why i am the way i am.

never tell me that there are others there worse than us. never tell me that you have bigger problems than mine, you don't know that. embrace discomfort because that's part of life. but never hold on to it for too long.

but generally, this is my other self speaking. in real time, im quite happy and contented with everything goes so, cheers! out and beyond Read more...