I have to write it lest i forget.

Nearing seven months since I found out I had lupus. It was the end of July and I remember hearing PNoy on the news. It was at NKTI and hospital staff were irregularly unattentive. And if House, M.D is real,, his "It's not lupus" wouldn't have worked on me.

I feel so much better now. Unlike before when I can hardly walk and move. Do you know how terrifying it is for someone to be advised not to go out in the sun? Terrible. Especially that I have a liking for outdoors. I thought I won't be able to go out ever again. Or draw, or make art. Like I have to erase everything I know about myself. But here I am, building a new character for myself. Hoping for the better.

For the future. You know what caused this. Much as physical stress pushed you, it was emotional burden that took its toll. How you told yourself that nothing is wrong, it was, for the most part. Get rid of the trash. Figuratively, these things are not meant to be recycled.

This has to be said. It's the first time in years that I have been so conscious about how I look. Everytime I look at the mirror, I do not see my real self. To add, it was not my doing but of the medication I am taking. And I can't do anything about it. 20pounds heavier. Almost giving hope that diet will help things out (at least not make me bloated as much), I pray that prednisone go down every month. Please. I cant see myself. Haha

I thank God for friends. If i were on this alone I would have killed myself Reyes style. Being with them gives me a sense of purpose. And something to hold on to, like attesting me of what I am capable of. And what Im good at. Thank you!

My old employer wants me back. As much as it makes me all giddy and malaki ang ulo. Im still undecided. Can moving forward mean going back to the things you've left? But nothing is ever really the same. And I don't need a reason to stay. Or leave. Or explain my limits. I have a lot of plans and selfish it maybe, working full-time isn't part of it yet (i choose to believe i can't)

So let's see how things go by

Lighter, now.

This time baby, I'll be bulletproof!